#but she is always always patronising me and my sister and treating us way younger than we are

[mmmmuffins]

.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 3x1 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

So we’re finally here, up to the (unfortunately) final season of AWAE. I will be rewatching and reacting to the first half of the season only, since I’ve already posted my reactions to episodes 5-10 when they were coming out. Just thought I’d say that here. 

For this rewatch, I will be adding onto the notes to myself I made when first watching the episode. Also, this is dedicated to Amybeth McNulty for her birthday today.

So, without further ado, I suggest we dive right in.

Can we talk about how Anne’s beautiful green ribbon gets untied and flies into the air while she is riding through the snow and she doesn’t even seem to care? I mean, she looks back and smiles at it, but doesn’t even think of trying to retrieve it… If I were her, I would have turned the horse around. Although it did seem like the ribbon was too high up in the air for her to reach. Also, her hair is beautiful flying loose in the wind… like we’ve never seen it before. [Present-day note: of course we’ll see it like that again, and from Gilbert’s point of view. That scene was magical. Truly magical]

So… Ruby still has it for Gilbert… and she has it going on strong… she’s supposed to be covering the hockey game for the school newspaper, but she’s dropped her notebook in the snow [Present-day note: again, my dislike of ruining material objects speaks here, but - I felt really bad for that notebook. It’s done nothing to deserve being ruined by the snow] because she only has eyes for one of the players… and so does Anne. I really hope the budding love between her and Gil doesn’t shatter poor little peach Ruby’s heart. [Present-day note: I’m so beyond happy she got over him before Anne realised that she was, as they would say on Friends, ‘under’ him.] She’s a dearie and deserves the best.

The hockey field (probably nothing more than a frozen lake, but this is the 19th century, so, you know) has apparently turned into a place of courtship, as Billy is giving his attentions to Josie and Moody to Diana… but her parents won’t allow it. “Too rich to be a minister’s wife?”, Josie teases. But then the attention shifts to Gilbert who stares at something undefined between Anne and Ruby, leaving it ambiguous which girl his affections are directed to. The whole thing is very awkward to watch, and with no Cole around to reassure Anne that Gilbert has a crush on her, and her only, she may as well think he’s finally returning Ruby’s sympathies. That scene is intense.

The natives appear – a man and a little girl, presumably his daughter, the girl that was mentioned in the articles promoting this season. It turns out the man is the one who makes the hockey sticks for the boys, and the difference in nature between Gilbert and Billy is once again emphasised by how they each treat him. Billy is superficially polite, saying “Thank you” when receiving his new stick, but he says it in a sort of patronising way, like the subtext here is “We whites are better than you”. Gilbert, on the other hand, is just as polite and respectful as he would be to any white man – or woman, for that matter. I mean, he lives with a black couple, so he can’t be racist at all. I mean, he’s an absolute cinnamon roll.

Anne is even better with the natives, as in, she doesn’t even notice anything about them that would make them superficially different than her and her peers. She asks if she could write an article about the man, but not about his lifestyle or different standards, but about the sticks he makes. She sees the quality work, not that the man doing it is non-white. And I bet she’ll be learning a lot about their life and culture later on, in a perfectly respectful and inclusive way. This is beautiful.

Billy comes back and is all kinds of disrespectful, so the girl, Ka’kwet, shows her dislike of him very clearly, and her father warns her against “stir[ring] trouble with the white man”… the tension can’t be ignored anymore. It can practically  be cut with a knife.

The man offers a great judgement of Billy – “The little man with the big ego” – in his own native language, so only Ka’kwet understands. But he couldn’t be more right.

Billy walks away, muttering “Savages” under his breath. Anne, however, isn’t shaken for a millisecond in her wish to visit and interview them later.

So, Billy won’t even be coming back to school, as he’s stepping into the family business. I’m hoping we won’t see much of him anymore. [Present-day note: Unfortunately, we will. And when I say unfortunately, I mean devastatingly. Before this season, I didn’t think this excuse of a guy could get any worse, but in the latter half he’s proven to be an absolute entitled monster. I loathe him, and I’m not even sorry for allowing myself to feel such negative emotions.]

Jane is “chaperoning” Josie and Billy as they walk back from the game? I mean, yes, she is his sister, but she’s younger than him, I think. But well, I’m not sure how chaperoning works in such a situation.

Anne arrives at the natives’… village? What is it, exactly? Anyway, her new budding friendship with Ka’kwet (which, the poor thing says, just means “starfish”; now she and Anne can bond over wishing they had a different name – although Anne isn’t as resentful of hers anymore, now that she’s signed the family bible as “Anne Cordelia Shirley- Cuthbert) is just so beautiful… this show is pure aesthetic. [Both visually and in terms of content.]

Marilla disapproves of Anne’s having fraternised with the natives… the tension builds up. I guess Anne won’t be stopped from seeing her new friends so easily, though.

At the Pye household, Josie’s mother is pressuring her to “get a hold” of Billy before someone else does. I mean, she’s a Pye – an unpleasant person as per the book, so she deserves him. Let her have him, as long as Gilbert is reserved for Anne and Anne alone. [Yeah, in retrospect, not even Josie deserves this imbecile. But I didn’t know back then just how bad he could be.]

So Anne’s words “seems to me I was destined to be the bride of adventure” from the teaser are part of her evening prayer – a change from the (apparently) usual plea to make her good-looking, which she now, on the brink of age 16, sees as a childish wish and not a real prayer. Anne has grown!

“Many suitors or even just one…” Come on, Anne, are you blind? You have one – The One at that. Take Notice of him… I mean, the Take Notice board will be returning as per a gif set I saw here on Tumblr, so I really hope Shirbert moves on a bit quicker than it has so far.

Bash and Mary have a baby! Since when? I don’t know, but I love it. Is Gilbert the godfather? Seeing as he is Bash’s best friend and honorary brother, he must be… oh dreams…. [Either way, he’s her Uncle Gilby]

Her name is Delphine? That’s beautiful. Also, Gilbert just kissed her forehead before going out to school… the dream has come true.

The unlikely duo of Rachel Lynde and Miss Stacy takes centre stage in the next scene where Miss Stacy says she doesn’t need a man as she has discovered self-sufficiency after her husband’s death. Mrs. Lynde, of course, wants to play matchmaker for her. As I said, this is an unlikely duo and I would very much like to know how this relationship turns out further.

Anne and Diana are dreading the nearing day of their separation as Di goes to finishing school in Paris and Anne goes to college in Queens. I really want to know how this separation will turn out. [Fortunately, I won’t have to find out, and neither will they.]

 Another line of tension builds up with the resurrection of the Take Notice board, as the girls discuss the pressure to get married soon and Josie teases Anne about becoming an old maid, as seen in the trailer.

Poor Ruby takes the blow instead of Anne as she, who will apparently be going to Queens with Anne and Gilbert – only in order to remain close to him (poor unfortunate soul), is desperate to receive any advance from him. I really don’t want her to suffer, but here she is now, crying about him not noticing her. I almost want her to not end up going to Queens, as that will most probably be the place where Shirbert’s relationship will finally bloom, and I don’t want her to witness that. [AWAE Ruby would have loved to be Book!Ruby, as she gets much more attention from him there - but she doesn’t care as much. However, seeing as how Book!Ruby ends up, AWAE Ruby should be glad she’s not quite her.]

Anne “bet[s she] can help” Ruby’s Gilbert issue – but if she is the root of the problem and she doesn’t know it, how can she possibly be of any use to poor Ruby?

I’ve never seen Anne ignore someone so hard as she just did Moody – he greeted her and she barely turned her head in his direction, muttering a quick “Hi” before returning to her conversation with the girls… good thing he is not one of her suitors. Although she doesn’t pay much more attention to Gilbert, you know. 

I see Moody has grown up a lot since last time he was seen, and he’s now a close second to Gilbert, at least the way I see it. That’s quite a glow up he’s had. But I kinda wanted Diana and Jerry to be a thing – and now I’m low-key shipping her with Moody “your dress is very… blue” Spurgeon. The poor guy has always been awkward around her; it’s obvious he likes her. [See, I told you I only ship couples that have explicit signs of potential to happen. Even though Diana and Moody didn’t happen even for a second, I’ve apparently seen something in her and Jerry stemming from that one single conversation they had. I mean, he did call her ‘the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen’, so that must have been what made me ship them - even before I had the slightest idea they were going to be a thing this season. I still can’t get over the fact that they were not endgame. In my mind, at least, they are - somewhere in that future we didn’t get to see.]

 And now the super famous “take notice” scene between Anne and Gilbert is happening… oh the tension. [You know, this scene reminds me of Vanessa Hudgens’ Rather Be with You. If you haven’t heard that song, go listen to it and then try to tell me I’m wrong here.]

Anne was apparently talking about Ruby in this scene, and Gilbert was blabbing on about “the right person” and stuff… Shirbert is on!!

Well, that was a turn of events! The second Anne mentions Ruby you can actually see Gilbert’s emotions change. Kudos to Lucas for portraying that only with his eyes. How to those kids do that? 

And poor Ruby has been observing him during the conversation, of course… she is so deluded, the unfortunate thing – she thinks his reluctance to post means he’s looking for a much more romantic advance to make… Poor thing. Shirbert will break her heart and might just ruin her friendship with Anne forever… and she dies young in canon. I just hope Moira finds a way to give her the happy ending she deserves… [And, as we know, Moira didn’t disappoint there. I’m so glad things turned out for Ruby the way they did]

Jerry can read long complicated texts now… he’s reading Frankenstein [Little did I know how important this book would be for his story arc this season], for goodness’ sake! I stan one (1) beautiful [inside and out] French farm boy!! And I ship him with Diana even more now. Although if her parents won’t allow her a future minister, how will they allow a farm boy?

Diana has actual royal ancestry… but that ancestry is “keeping [her] from Queens; from [Anne]”. Isn’t this a tragical Bro-mance right there? It is indeed.

Marilla is helping Mary with the baby… makes me wonder if she has been dreaming of one for so long but never got to have it and this is why she’s so attached to this one… this series is beautiful but dramatic… it really tugs on my heartstrings.

Diana stands up for herself and her own wishes in front of her parents… but she doesn’t achieve more than angering them that way… poor little rich girl, indeed.

Also, I just love how the Barrys express their anger. Diana sits at the piano and starts playing angrily, while her mother embroiders angrily and her father reads his newspaper angrily. [I had no idea two out of those three things could be done angrily. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which two.]

The Take Notice board has a note on it saying “Susan has her sight on Moody Spurgeon”. Who is this Susan and why is she eyeing Moody if he’s courting Diana?

Anne is super excited about turning 16… “Once upon a time this was the happiest day of my parents’ life”. I really want her to find out about her ancestry eventually. But I want her and Gilbert to finally get together more. [Of course, both of these will happen in this season. I sort of knew that even back then.]

Let’s sum up: Anne has beautiful hair, but, more importantly, dreams of finding out her family history; Ruby has it bad for Gilbert - but we already knew that; Ka’kwet and her father make their first appearance and create tension in the process; Billy is racist on top of everything - but we all expected that; courting is in full swing; Rachel Lynde plays matchmaker; lots of tension caused by the Take Notice board; eye (and eyebrow) acting; Jerry reads Frankenstein; Marilla is a really good mother, and not only to Anne; who’d have known embroidery and reading could be done angrily; who is Susan; Anne is nearing 16 and things are about to change forever.

[takeiteasypeasybaby]

Save Me: Chapter 63 - Mine

~Hey guys! Chapter 63 is out now :) I hope everyone has a good week and is enjoying the story so far~

Molly wakes to find total chaos as her loved ones are found on the wrong side of justice.

Last night...

Lydia's POV//

Gracie was the only one I could turn to now.

Yeah, she was a few years younger than me, but she was always really nice to me.

I also liked Judith, but she was usually at Hilltop with her mom or out there fighting near Alexandria.

I was really envious of all the kids who were allowed to train out there and weren't treated like kids.

My mom taught me to fight but she made it seem like I never had a choice, not until I met Molly.

She was like an older sister to me, looked after me but didn't baby me or patronise.

But, as much as I had bonded with her, there were times when I couldn't turn to her for help.

These were her people, she loved them and they loved her.

Even the new people that came in and their kids who weren't so nice, they all loved her like she was their 'saviour'.

I wish they would look at me that way...

Molly always said right from the start that I was one of them, that I was family, but so many of them still hated me.

They would avoid me and call me names, but only when Molly wasn't there.

This brings me to last week.

We had just came back to Alexandria and Molly had brought some of the highway men's kids with her.

They were so grateful but because my mother killed two of theirs, they blamed me for it.

They would scowl and spit at me, their kids would call me a 'freak' for my lack of manners.

One of them, named Gage, he was a little older than me, probably around seventeen.

He would taunt me and isolate me from the other kids.

At the lunch table, I went to sit alone on the end and he said 'give us some room please.

I had caught a squirrel and used my knife to slice it open right there on the table.

They all looked on at me with disgust as I smirked, knowing how weak they all were.

Molly would have frowned to see me eating like an animal but screw em.

'Oh my god?! What is wrong with you?! You're crazy!' he yelled as blood splattered against his cheek.

He stood up as one of the highway men said to the other 'is this why Ozzy and Alec died? So she could make a fool of us?'.

The highway woman shook her head and said 'not here' as all three of them continued to scowl at me.

I had had enough and placed a bloody finger to my lips and said 'shhh' to aggravate them more.

I didn't give a shit if they didn't like me, they were all assholes for thinking I was still a whisperer.

Molly got told about what happened and sat me down to talk.

'You do wanna live here right?' she asked.

'They deserved it' I said angrily.

She nodded and said calmly 'I know' as she brought me some fresh clothes, the others were stained with squirrel blood.

She sighed and said 'but you can't be doing shit like that'.

I stormed up to her and said 'but they can just write whatever the hell they want on their door?'.

They would write 'Silence the Whisperers' in red paint on any piece of wood they could find.

Sometimes mentioning me as the leader's daughter.

'I'll talk to them and set them straight' Molly said seriously as she was about to walk out of the house.

'No please, I don't want you to fight my fight for me, okay? They want me to give up, I know that. But I'm not gonna, okay I cant' I ranted as Molly just looked at me like she understood.

'It's okay, I get it, but just let me help you' she pleaded.

I said sternly 'I can handle it' and walked out.

We weren't fighting, she just wanted to help but I didn't let her.

Instead, she just gave me my space and asked me to come home when I got dark.

For some reason, there was a guard outside our front door.

He silently stepped aside and let me in.

I heard the shower water running upstairs so I knew Molly hadn't heard me come in yet.

I debated as to whether I would go to sleep or I would walk around for a little longer.

It was peaceful outside when no one was around, just me and the sparkly sky.

I waited until I heard the bathroom door open and close and then I grabbed a snack and some books.

I creaked open the front door as the guard stepped aside again in confusion as I stormed out into the night.

I sauntered blissfully through the washing lines, lifting up the white sheets as I ducked under.

I was about to walk under the next one when the highway woman stopped in front of me and said 'shh'.

I turned around frantically to see the highway man and Gage standing there behind me, I was trapped.

I took out my knife and twirled it in my hand as I readied my stance.

The woman grabbed me and choked me as I said 'why do you hate me?'.

She grabbed harder as she said 'because you put my friends on spikes'.

I said breathlessly as I struggled for air, 'I wasn't there'.

She let go of me and pushed me back into the middle and said smiling sinisterly, 'Ozzy was always a fair man, so in his honour I'm gonna give you one last chance'.

She tilted her head and said, 'if you run away now, we'll play dumb when they ask us'.

I stood my ground and said sternly, 'this is my home and you are my people'.

She scowled and punched me across the face as the other two men tackled me to the floor, slapping and punching me until my face bled.

Gage looked terrified and tried to run but the woman pulled him back to watch.

'She killed your friends, Addy and Rodney' she whispered.

The man held down my arms as he made me face Gage.

'I loved Henry, you know I loved him please!' I begged as blood spurted out of my mouth.

He scowled and punched me in my throat.

I fell to the ground instantly as he tackled me and continually pummelled my rib cage.

I struggled and kicked until I knocked him off me as I screamed 'get off me!'.

'Hold her down, get her!' the man said as he started to unbuckle his jeans.

It was all a blur until a figure came out of the dark and pushed the woman away from me.

I opened my eyes to see Negan.

He threw the man off of me and pointed to the boy to get the fuck back.

Negan stood over me as I just cried, clinging to his ankles.

He bent down slowly and said softly 'it's okay'.

He held the back of my head gently as I sobbed at his feet.

'We were just trying to scare her' Gage said nervously as he backed away.

Negan shot him a rage filled look as the guard from Molly's house came over.

'What the hell is going on here?' he said holding a spike.

'Holy shit, Margo' the highway man said frantically as he saw his friend's head bleeding out against the wall where Negan had pushed her.

I looked up as Negan rose to his feet and said 'shit' as he looked at the now dead woman.

Molly's POV//

I rolled over in my sleep to flip my pillow over to the cool side and adjust the sheets.

I no longer felt Negan's hands around my waist but I just thought he'd turned to sleep on his side, so I wasn't worried.

I smiled to myself as my eyes stayed closed and exhaled peacefully as I reached over to Negan's side to lay my arm across his chest.

I frowned gently as I felt his side of the bed completely empty.

I groaned and rubbed open my eyes in a daze as I reached back over for the lamp.

I switched it on to light up the room and found that Negan wasn't there.

I thought that Lydia would be asleep in her room so I didn't want to shout for him as I would wake her, so I got dressed, grabbed my gun just in case and paced downstairs quietly.

I checked all the rooms and found them empty.

Did he leave me in the middle of the night, like a one time thing?

My heartbeat raced as I glanced out of the window to see that Tom was now gone.

Had Negan walked back to his cell?

'What the shit?' I whispered to myself as I opened the front door and paced to his cell.

I heard shouting and commotion around the washing lines so I changed my path and walked there to see what was going on.

'It's all her fault! Freak!' one boy shouted, which made me frown in confusion.

Another voice shouted 'it was Negan!'.

At this my ears pricked up and I ran through the hanging sheets to see a circle of people around Negan and Lydia.

'What the fuck is going on?!' I shouted over the mass of voices.

They suddenly quietened down and parted as I saw Lydia curled up with a blanket over her shoulders as Daryl said 'shh it's okay'.

'No! It's wasn't Negan! He didn't do anything!' Lydia yelled as they dragged Negan away to his cell.

Negan didn't even put up a fight but I charged over to the guards and stood in front of them saying angrily 'if you so much as take a step forward, I will kill you both, right the fuck now'.

They stopped still and looked down as Negan smiled at me.

'She's only defending him because she's screwing him!' The highway man shouted.

I sighed and marched over to the man and punched him square across the face making him drop to the ground unconscious.

'Now, anyone else wanna try that shit? No? Okay, Daryl what the hell happened here?' I said as I rushed over to him and Lydia.

Lydia cried into my arms as Daryl said softly that Lydia had been beaten up by the highway man and Gage and that Margo had died because Negan pushed her against a wall.

'She attacked us!' Gage shouted to me as I dried Lydia's tears.

I scowled at him and said 'so why is Lydia the one who has bruises and cuts all over her face?!'.

He stayed silent as I sighed.

'Daryl, take them and put them in the cell for now. I'll take Lydia to the hospital' I said to Daryl as I pointed to the two thugs.

I looked across to Negan who was smiling sadly at me.

I knew he wasn't responsible for this, he saved Lydia from these people.

I walked over to Negan and the guards who were still holding him tightly and said 'wait for me for a few minutes, okay?'.

Negan nodded as I helped Lydia to stand and we walked to the hospital.

She limped and winced as she held her arm in pain.

'I want to kill them for what they did to you' I said filled with rage.

Mostly, I was just angry at myself for not being there.

Siddiq patched Lydia up and cleaned her wounds.

She had bruises all over and a black eye.

'I'm so sorry I wasn't there Lydia. I should've been there, I should've protected you!' I said with a raised voice as I paced around the room.

Siddiq left us to talk as Lydia said quietly 'it's not your fault'.

'Negan saved me, you have to believe me!' she said frantically as I came to sit next to her.

I stroked her hair and kissed her on the forehead, 'I know, I know' I said soothingly.

I stood back up and asked Siddiq to keep an eye on her for a few minutes.

'I'll be back in a few minutes' I said sternly as I thought of punishing those men.

'What are you gonna do to them?' Lydia asked sadly.

'They'll be dealt with' I said coolly as I stormed out of the room.

I went down to the cell and said to the scared men, 'you better work on your story, because you both are in for one hell of a trial tomorrow'.

The man didn't give in but Gage came to the bars and said frantically, 'we just wanted to scare her!'.

I scowled and said 'you wanna know what I think? I think you're scared little dickless cowards. Beating up a kid in the middle of the night instead of coming to me about your concerns?'.

I scoffed at how pathetic they both were.

'I'll just say this, you especially Gage, out there you wouldn't last two minutes. We need strength here, inside these walls. So, I need you both to prove to me that you're not pathetic individuals who instead of facing the actual problem, you go after an innocent' I yelled.

'She's not a whisperer! I don't know how to get this through your thick skulls, but the real problem is their leader who killed your friends by the way. She killed my sister! So I should know...' I shouted.

They looked at me wide eyed and silent as they just listened.

I scoffed and turned to open the door, 'man the fuck up and grow a pair!' I shouted to them before I left.

I exhaled and marched over to Negan who was waiting with the guards.

'You two can leave' I said sternly as I pointed at them.

They hesitated but then backed away to the cell.

'I love when you're all authoritative' Negan said smirking.

I smiled and asked him to come sit on the bench with me.

'Tell me what happened?' I asked softly.

'I heard the door shut, so I went outside to see what it was. I saw someone in the distance and then I heard screaming. I'm not gonna apologise for that woman being dead, she's a goddamn asshole beating on a kid. I pushed her off Lydia and she hit her head' he said softly.

I gazed into his eyes and believed him instantly.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close to me, 'thank you' I whispered.

'You saved her' I continued tearfully as he stroked my face.

'Hope you didn't think I was walking out on ya?' he asked smirking.

I shook my head and said 'no' as I planted a gentle kiss on his lips.

'I'll sort this out, you go back to the house while I see Lydia' I said as I stood up.

'Now we've got two guards, you think they'll ever trust me?' Negan said chuckling as he walked away.

I smirked and rolled my eyes as I went to pick up Lydia and bring her home.

[poisonmepeaky]

Ditch the races

______________________

~ an Isaiah Jesus fanfic

Sorry this has taken us so long !! Really hope you enjoy it and requests are always open :))

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Great. All thanks to your older brother Tommy, Isaiah would now believe you were incapable of completing a simple task without being babysat.

Great, Isaiah thought, All thanks to his boss Tommy, (Y/N) would see him as a patronising twat who thought she needed babysitting.

You’d spent your whole life trying to convince Tommy you deserved a more active roll in the family business, and now you were finally old enough, you’d presume he’d agree. Yet here you were, sat on a train on your way to the races under the watchful eye of Isaiah, who you had secretly been in love with since your other brother Finn had introduced you years ago. Not that it mattered, he was two years older and would never be interested in ‘Tommy’s younger sister’. Suddenly the train jolted to a stop interrupting your thoughts. You looked out of your window to see you’d pulled into a quaint little village, and turned to Isaiah giving him a hopeful smile.

All it took it was that smile and he knew exactly what she wanted, and to be honest he sort of wanted it too. Ditch the races and get out at one of the villages instead. Isaiah considered his loyalties. On the one hand, he’d sworn to his boss he’d see his sister safely to the races and make sure she behaved. But on the other hand, he’d been to the races plenty of times and never before had he had the opportunity to spend the day with the girl you’d secretly been in love with since your friend Finn introduced you years ago. Looking into her pleading blue eyes, Isaiah knew he had to make a decision. With regret he gave a curt shake of his head. He didn’t really fancy being sliced with Tommy’s razor blade and besides it’s not like (Y/N) fancied him anyway.

You hadn’t expected him to object and you couldn’t hide your disappointment, which was quickly over ridden by irritation. You didn’t have to follow his orders! You were a peaky blinder for fucks sake! Throwing Isaiah a regretful smile you stood up attempting to leave the carriage, you were going to find the nearest pub and get smashed. Tommy could shove his stupid races, if he was going to treat you like a child, you were going to act like one. Much to your surprise though, Isaiah grabbed your shoulder and pulled you back down into the carriage. “Where do you think you’re going?”.

“Out. I don’t even know why we’re going to the races because Tommy never tells me anything, and hardly ever let’s me do anything and when he does he sends you as my guardian I’m sick of it!”

Isaiah’s expression softened. “I understand your frustration, but it’s my neck on the line when Tommy finds out not yours!” You looked up with tears glistening in your eyes. “Fine whatever we’ll get out, sod the races, but I’m telling you, I’m finding the nearest pub and getting smashed. You smiled, it was as if he’d read your mind.

Three hours later, Isaiah and (Y/N) were stumbling, highly intoxicated back onto the train to Birmingham after a full afternoon of drinking. “You do know your brothers are going to want to murder me when we get back?” She just laughed, “they’ll have to get through me first”, Isaiah laughed as she drunkly held up her fists in a mock punch. He grabbed them and put them at her sides with a grin. “Isaiah?” “Yes”

(Y/N) leaned over and kissed him hard on his lips. Taken aback but thrilled Isaiah muttered, “At least I’ll die happy now”.

[oursisthefvry]

TITLE: Your Past Does Not Define You

IMAGINE: It was no secret that Bucky hated his past, how he regrets being the Winter Soldier. What happens when he meets someone that can change his mind? 

[gif is not mine. requests are open. let me know what you think] 

warnings: swear words, brief harassment, small violence. 

word count: 2.4k +

‘He had built up walls for years, keeping everyone out. Then she came into his life and with a touch of her finger the walls crumbled into ashes.’

Everyone knew that Bucky wasn’t one to converse with anyone, to talk to anyone let alone spend a minute in a room with someone that wasn’t Steve. He grunted and nodded, but no actual words ever came out of his mouth. He kept quiet, he kept to himself. No one really knew him, Steve did, but still...There were some things that he kept to himself, things that kept him up at night -waking from his nightmares, knives sheathed out panicking and looking around the room. He hated himself, he hated that he caused a war within a group, forcing everyone to take sides. Even years later when everything was settled, he still felt guilty thus he kept to himself. Maybe, just maybe if he didn’t speak and just did what everyone wanted him to do he could chip away the guilt.

He remembers the day vividly, it’s as if it’s a movie in his head, one that he can replay over and over again. He can pick out the exact moment that he knew in himself that she was going to change him.

“(Y/N), you have to be calm when you meet them, okay kid?” Tony looked over the kid next to him. Granted that she wasn’t a kid anymore, she was still a kid to him. “You can’t embarrass me, I have a reputation to uphold.”

(Y/N) barked out a laugh as she saw Tony puff out his chest, “I cross my heart that I won’t embarrass you.”

Tony smiled at her and opened the door, she instantly saw all the Avengers lounging around -some sitting down, some playing pool and some in the kitchen. He cleared his throat and they stopped and stared at him. “This is (Y/N),” he gestured the awed girl beside him.

She smiled at the group and waved, “I’m his love child,” she waggled her eyebrows and laughed out loudly when she saw the expressions on their face.

“She’s not,” Tony deadpanned. “What did I say about embarrassing me?” She shrugged in reply. Turning back to the group he explained, “She’s a recruit from Isla Nublar, Tony wanted her expertise on something. Plus, I’ve also known her since she was little so she’s like a little sister to me, so if any of you hurt her I will seriously kill you.”

“You can’t just mildly kill them?” (Y/N) teased and she received a jab from him. As they went around the room, introducing (Y/N) to everyone, she was awestruck by just how ordinary they were. Of course she kept up on the details, not hard to really. But it was so different, they were just normal people who were expected to drop everything to fight off the next evil.

After the introductions, she went to the kitchen to fix herself something to eat as everyone was heading to the gym. “For a bunch of superheroes they surprisingly have a lot of junk food in the fridge,” she mused to herself, thinking out loud. “Ooo, lasagne.” She picked out the heavy dish and turned around but bumped into someone.

“SHIT! I am so sorry,” (Y/N) looked at the lasagne and then back to the figure. Their black uniform was covered in red and white sauce. “I got lasagne on you,” she began wiping it off his uniform, after three wipes she realised how awkward it was.

She smiled sheepishly and look up at the man, “Sorry, didn’t mean to awkwardly touch you.” (Y/N) was going to say more but she stopped when she saw who she was talking to. It was Bucky Barnes. She read up on him, fascinated by history as both James Barnes and the Winter Soldier. “It’s not everyday that you get to live the tale that you accidentally dropped lasagne on an infamous assassin.” She tried to lighten the joke being the idiot as the was.

Bucky looked down at her, veiled amusement in his eyes. “Don’t really know the protocol for throwing lasagne at an assassin so forgive me if I don’t know how to act, I’m usually much cooler than this.” She gave him a toothy smile. (Y/N) wasn’t nervous, not at all, nor was she embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” his voice was rough from the lack of use. To his ears it sounded foreign, but to her it sounded beautiful.

“Do you want me to pay for dry-cleaning?” He tilted his head. “Uh, dry-cleaning is like this fancy service that you use when you want something to be professionally cleaned.” She sounded so unsure, but at the same time her voice was gentle and not at all patronising.

“I know what dry-cleaning is,” he gave her a small quick smile.

She found that she liked it when he smiled, he seemed younger and more relaxed even though she saw it for at least 3 seconds. “That’s good, that’s good.” She muttered, then looking down at the floor. “I haven’t been in the compound a day and I’ve already made a mess.” (Y/N) walked to the counter to fetch the kitchen roll, once in her hand she bent down and started wiping.

“Want some help?” Bucky knelt down and ripped some paper.

Maybe it was the way that she didn’t seem afraid of him and she treated him like a normal person. Or maybe it was because she made him laugh -something that hasn’t happened to him for so long. Or maybe it was her small, awkward yet charming smile that made him feel lighter than he’s ever felt before.

From that day on Bucky seeked out (Y/N), he came out of his room more, stayed in rooms longer than before. Of course everyone noticed his odd behaviour, it was hard not to. Bucky didn’t actively participate in conversations, but when (Y/N) asked him a question, flashed him a smile, or tried to include him in the conversation he reciprocated.

They were sitting in the living room, Stranger Things playing on the television. “You’re enjoying this,” she teased as she saw him lean in trying to figure out the scene.

Bucky leaned back nonchalantly and turned his head towards her, “It’s...different.”

“Different good?”

He nodded hesitantly. “It’s nice.”

She smiled triumphantly and leaned back, her arms touching his lightly. She tried not to think of how warmth seemed to radiate of him, or just how nice he smelt.

(Y/N) passed him the pizza, “Thanks, doll.” (Y/N)’s hand froze and turned to him.

He felt his face redden, and his hands clamp up. He didn’t mean to say that out loud, he didn’t mean for that nickname to slip. He didn’t turn to her, afraid of her reaction. It was an intimate nickname for someone, so he wouldn’t be surprised if she got up and left, never speaking to him again.

She made an appreciative noise, “I like that.”

Startled, he turned to her, “What?”

“I like that. It’s cute and it’s very you,” she gave him a grin and a wink. “Doll,” she tried it out, rolling the word off her tongue.

He smiled at her when she clucked her tongue, “Don’t I get a nickname?”

She narrowed her eyes, smiled and tilted her head, “Hm, what to call you. Buckster?” She tried out and she chuckled at his horrified expression. “Buckarro?” He poked her this time. “I know, I’ll call you James.”

This time he chuckled, “That’s my name, not exactly a nickname.”

“Except no one calls you that and that’s why it’s perfect. Everyone calls you Barnes, or Bucky, but never James. The name is something just the two of us,” she smiled at him.

He felt his heart quicken and reciprocated her smile. It was genuine and it was wide. It was the smile that he would have had on his face practically all the time back in the 40s. As they continued watching the show, he realized that he liked it when she said the two of them. ‘Just between the two of them.’ He smiled, contented for the first time.

(Y/N) stood in line, trying to memorize everyone’s drink order. She felt a hand touch her backside and she turned around, “What are you doing?”

The man behind her gave her a lopsided smile. Even under the bad fluro lights she could see that his eyes were glossy and he could hardly stand on his on two feet. “Hey there pretty lady.” He gave her a wink and (Y/N) screwed up her nose in disgust. “Don’t be like that,” he tried to touch her arm but she yanked it away.

“Don’t touch me,” she growled, her arms ready to fight just in case.

“Come on, pretty lady,” he yanked her by the waist and she yelped. (Y/N) hardly had time to hit the man as he was yanked off her. She tumbled to the ground, and watched as Bucky hit the man over and over again. Noticing how hard the punches were she pulled herself up and ran to where Bucky was.

“Bucky!” He didn’t turn around. He held the man’s collar and pulled his hand back to punch him again. “Bucky! Bucky!” (Y/N) ran and touched his shoulder, “James.” This time he turned around. Letting the man go.

She saw how his eyes and his face were different, she tentatively touched his cheek, “James, come back to me darling. Come back to me.” She rubbed his cheek affectionately, “I’m here, just come back to me, please.”

His gaze softened, and he cupped the hand that was on his cheek.

Bucky was sure that (Y/N) would have ran away, fleeing as she saw the side of him he desperately never wanted anyone to see, especially her. But all she did was hold his hand, nodding to Steve and took him outside leading him to the car.

Once they were in the safety of the complex, (Y/N) opened Bucky’s door and pulled him in. “Are you okay?”

He didn’t answer, instead he fell to his knees. (Y/N) knelt down and pushed back his hair, “Buck?”

“I’m sorry,” it was soft and she could hardly hear him but at the same time she could hear it clearly, the emotion; the heartbreak, anger and sadness.

(Y/N) launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, squeezing him tighter as each second passed by. Once they broke apart she looked at him, “Never, ever apologize for that. Never apologize for that James.”

“I let him out, I never wanted to let him out.”

She could have burst out crying at how small he sounded. “No matter what, he will always be a part of you James, you can never erase him but,” she closed her eyes and shook her head. “Don’t ever be ashamed for something that you never did. You needed to be brainwashed, you needed a long time to transfer from James to the Winter Soldier. You’re not him.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around her, never letting her go, “You’re not him. You’re Steve’s Bucky, you’re my James, you’re our Barnes. Never forget that.” She gave him a kiss on the top of his head, “Even if you do, I’ll always be here to make you remember.”

“Promise?”

“Always.” It was such a simple word but it was filled with so much more than it could possibly contain. He felt his heart open, and it all it took was one word for his walls to be tore down.

It was a casual day, there was nothing important. She was in her pyjamas, and he was in his gym clothes. Both of them sat at the kitchen counter, each eating their respective breakfast.

“What would you say if I asked you on a date doll?” He didn’t look at her, fear of her rejection.

She placed her spoon down, “I would say that it took you long enough James.” When he looked up he could see her smile, happiness radiating off her face.

He was Bucky before. He was known for charming the dames, being everyone’s friend and always being there for Steve. Then he was known as the Winter Soldier. He was adored. One of the greatest killing machines that HYDRA has ever created. He was feared.Then he was Barnes. Long gone was Bucky (though not for Steve, he would always be Bucky for Steve), buried underneath everything, and long gone was the Winter Soldier. He was Barnes and he was part of the Avengers. He was accepted. Finally, he was James. Her James to be exact. He was understood, loved and adored. She was the one person that managed to find him when he was so lost in the dark. She was the beacon in his life that he longed for, that he thought was long gone because of the atrocities that he committed.

But here she was, next to him, one of her arms carelessly tossed on his stomach, one under the pillow. As Bucky stroked her hair, she softly groaned and lifted her head. “Hey Buck, is it morning yet?”

He gave her a small smile. “No, not yet.” (Y/N) sat up and stretched, then with a grin she straddled him.

She grabbed his metal arm and fiddled with his fingers, “You know we could just etch the ring on your finger, I mean you won’t ever lose it that way.” (Y/N) leaned forward and laid on his chest.

He loved this position, mostly because he could feel her heartbeat. “I’m not you, doll, I mean how many times have you lost your ring?” He felt her lightly smack him, and he started running his hand down her back.

“Shut it, you love me.”

“Maybe I don’t.”

“You’re marrying me.”

“Eh,” he gave her a shrug and sat back up.

“Do I have to convince you that marrying me would be the greatest thing ever?” She grinded her hips against his, and smirked when he groaned.

“The greatest thing ever was meeting you doll,” he sat up and kissed her.

Bucky managed to find someone to break him out of his shell. A person who managed to keep the nightmares at bay, even on the rare occasions he had them she was there right by his side, brushing his hair back and whispering comforting words in his ear. He found the person that managed to love his past even when he couldn’t.

[pechuelle]

For the question thing - can you answer all the "feelings and others" section plz? :)

230 - Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early?A: definitely a procrastinator, unless it’s a fun task! We got ready for the chinchillas super early 😜
231 - Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance:

Kinnoull Hill, where B and I went on our first date ☺️ I had no idea we’d still be together 3 ½ years on. Was hard to find a photo that portrays what it’s actually like to be up there. Not my photo by the way, it’s by Rising View. 
232 - Say 5 things you love unconditionally:A: My rock collection, my family, being creative, chinchillas and snow days! (no particular order)
233 - What motivates you in life?A: I’m motivated knowing that younger me would be proud of the person I am today. I work towards being proud of my future self. 
234 - Something that you’re proud of:A: I’m proud of my grades last semester! 
235 - Five words/phrases that make you laugh:• the tune about solvents Rhea & I made up that was to the tune of Mambo no. 5•'silky, like kitten’ but said in a bad Russian accent. This was something that my sleep-deprived, coffee fuelled brain came up with when I saw the phrase ‘silky crystals’ in my lab book •'the door creaked and then I was committed’ something daft I said once Whalen I worked at abertay one summer. It just sounds funny out of context •is three funny phrases okay? I’m not a big fan of this question; it always tends to be the situation that’s funny, not the phrase 
236 - Share the story of something that makes you smile:A: not a story, but it always makes me smile when my parents give us impromptu pet names! It’s always quite idiosyncratic and very sweet. 
237 - Something you always think “what if…” about:A: What if I hadn’t gone into science but done something creative instead? I’ve always been pretty proficient with fabric, what if I’d decided to go into fashion? Sometimes wonder if I’d be happier. 
238 - What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?A: there were some bands I used to enjoy, but I kinda stopped listening to them after I got made fun of by a teacher in high school. I was quite young at the time and I wouldn’t let it stop me now, but I was just a kid having trouble finding themselves and I took other people’s feelings to heart too much. It’s a lesson not to be such a people pleaser, I guess 🤔 
239 - Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life:A: one summer my mum gave Brandon and I a telling off for leaving a bottle of buckfast in our room. What she didn’t bother to find out was that we’d bought it to bring to my sister’s get-together as a joke and we’d just parked it in my room in the meantime. She actually thought we were drinking it ourselves, I guess. I love my mum but she can be a bit crazy at times.
240 - Something/someone that you miss:A: I miss my family often, I don’t go back and see them as much as I ought to. 
241 - Are you over your past?A: On the whole, I’d say that I am. Everyone that needs forgiveness, I’ve long since forgiven and I’ve come a long way in the past six years. 
242 - What is your saddest memory?A: The night that I did something really harmful to myself. I remember being barely lucid on the couch of my eldest sister’s house; awake all night feeling too down to sleep. 
243 - One of the hardest moments in your life:A: lifting 30-40kg beehives in summer! I hope you weren’t expecting something emotionally heavy for that answer haha! 
244 - Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?A. Yep- the chain of events culminating in the event described in q242. Keeping this brief haha 
245 - What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?A: design and make something for me to wear, from start to finish. I always feel low-key embarrassed when I tell people my creative outlet is beauty/fashion/crafts. I’ve kind of internalised the notion that traditional feminine interests don’t count as me using my brain creatively; that it just makes me 'shallow’/'in love with myself’ and that I’d be doing more highbrow art if I was actually creative. Like I say, those aren’t wholly my views, I don’t apply to other people the standards I set upon myself. I’m trying to work out why I’m embarrassed by expressing my interests. (omg what an incoherent rant sorry)
246 - What was your most embarrassing moment?A: I’m really shy, so I have a lot of low-level embarrassing moments that aren’t really that noteworthy? One ongoing embarrassment though is my mum choosing to frame and display the photo of me at prom where I look really glaikit… there’s plenty others where I look fine, but she had to choose that one. :/ 
247 - Share one of your fears/insecurities:A: I’ll never be as thin as my eating disorder makes me feel I need to be. Every time I hit an arbitrary goal, my scumbag brain just moves the goalposts. I’m working hard on it though 💘
248 - Something you’re currently worrying about:A: exams, as always 😓
249 - Have you done something you regret very much?A: I stole a thing of yarn once. I was waiting at the till and nobody was there. I looked over to try and catch the eye of one of the staff and they just looked at me and kept on blethering! I just walked out with the thread in my hand because angry me thought that would totally make them regret being so awful at their job. 
250 - If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be?A: The incident from q249! I coulda just walked out and thrown them a frosty glance if I was that slighted. 
251 - Does anyone hate you?A: I hope not, but you know what people are like. 
252 - Do you hate anyone?A: I can’t think of anyone I currently have a personal hate for. 
253 - Lyrics that apply to your current situation/mood.A: honestly can’t think of any off the top of my head. I don’t think people write songs about lying in bed too hungover to function… or if they do, I just haven’t heard them :L 
254 - Are you good at hiding your feelings?A: I like to think I am, but I think people who know me well can read me like a book to be honest. 
255 - What’s something you hide about your personality?A: I’m quite prone to being envious. Not proud of it. 
256 - How do you approach social situations?A: Is 'by getting steaming drunk beforehand’ an acceptable answer? 😜 no but seriously, I worry like mad before a planned social event, but I’m usually fine once I’ve got there and settled in. 
257 - Are you a social or an antisocial person?Can I say asocial? I definitely prefer doing most things on my own, but I wouldn’t class myself as antisocial purely on that basis. 
258 - Are you an introvert or an extrovert?A: introvert all da wayyyy
259 - Do you care if people talk badly about you?A: I act like I don’t, but I do care deeply if it’s someone that’s close to me. Strangers on the other hand… not so much! 
260 - How do you deal with criticism?A: I think I’m okay with it, provided it’s done in a classy manner. If you’re patronising or downright bitchy, that’s when I get hurt and angry. 
261 - How you hope your future will be like?A: I don’t have any big dreams, just simple ones. I’d like a semi-decent house (and a cat if I move to a rural area), a job where I’m happy and financially stable, and to have my chinchillas. 
262 - What’s something that scares you about the future?A: The Yellowstone volcano could explode and everything would be destroyed just like that. 
263 - Five items you lust after:•new rocks and minerals for my collection, I’ll never have enough •a pair of contact lenses that are actually comfy, I’d wear my glasses less if I found them. I don’t think such a thing exists though •new things to read! There’s some books I keep meaning to buy but when I have the money I keep prioritising other things. •cookie cutters! I always just use a glass but there’s some Pokémon cutters I kinda want. Problem is I don’t really bake enough to justify it to myself. •can’t think of anything else that’s not super boring like clothes/shoes etc so I’m going to say the final thing I lust after is to live near a forest. It would be amazing because then I can de-stress any time I like :) 
264 - One thing you’re excited for:A: end of exams and summer? Such a rubbish answer but it’s true because I’m going to treat myself to another geode after exams yay! 
265 - Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had:The only dream I’ve had that stands out from the rest is the time I dreamt I was having an injection and the pain was so real and strong that it woke me up and I actually had to check my arm and see if I had actually hurt myself. Once or twice I’ve seen strangers out and about that I’ve seen in a dream not long previously; that’s always a bit starting on the rare occasion it does happen. 
266 - Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?A: nope. 
267 - Who is your celebrity crush?A: I’ve never had a celebrity crush. I tend to notice ordinary people as attractive more than public figures; I suppose it’s because you can get a better sense of their personality when they’re not 'on duty’, so to speak. 
268 - Make a confession:A: Honestly, video games bore me to tears. Brandon always tries to get me to try them because he loves them- I always give each game a fair try, but I can only handle about 2 hours and then I’m desperate to put it down and do something else. The only video game I’ve liked is diablo and I think skyrim is ok but I have trouble sticking to the main quest. Also, I know people are gonna hate on me for this, but I just could not get into minecraft! I don’t understand the point of it at all, didn’t have fun. (More of a rant than a confession, sorry :P)